[open] aftermath Dec 4, 2018 16:31:48 GMT -5
Post by Razza on Dec 4, 2018 16:31:48 GMT -5
warning: mild suicidal themes. tread carefully.
It had been days - maybe a week or so, he's lost track - and Emmett still hadn't moved from this spot. His stomach was aching for food and the wounds littered all over his face and shoulder and leg were begging for a good washing, but who gave a fuck. For all Emmett cared he was going to die right here on the lightly snow-dusted ground.
His eyes stared dully at a twig just in front of his nose. Emmett had found this place when he was still waist deep in dissociation, staggering from pain and heaving oxygen through his mouth like he was drowning. In the blur of the frenzy it had looked like heaven. The dead forest was tucked far away from where he once was with plenty of scraggly foliage to hide in, and he's guessed that few would think to come through here anyway. Well, it turns out he was right. Not a soul had passed through and the forest felt all the more empty for it in the stillness of winter, with the thin layer of snow draped over everything absorbing even the most minute of sounds. Emmett hadn't moved in so long he had a cloak of snow covering him, as well.
He fucking hated himself. He deserved to die from the cold, or from starvation, or from an infected wound. Real justice would be all three, even.
It was like the events with Nyx were on a continuously playing tape in his head, the conversation prior to all the bloodshed holding the most weight. He remembered everything this time, but that part was the clearest. And it was like he was remembering it from outside his own body too, like he was going into frenzy even though he wasn't, and every time he thought of the words he said to her a broken gasp shook his rib cage. Emmett knew he was a monster when he was going all crazy, but now he knew he was a monster even when he was sane. Not even Nyx, who he loved and thought was an exception, was safe from his terrible ability to fuck things up and hurt everyone. He'd wanted her to feel guilty. He'd wanted to hurt her. He'd accused her of things he knew weren't true just to make her feel bad for him being a fuck up. And all she wanted was for you to stay.
Emmett just hoped she was okay. He didn't know what... what the not-him version of himself had done to her specifically. He remembered tasting blood and searing pain coming from his shoulder and grabbing onto something and tearing, and he vaguely remembers her walking away but... hopefully that pack of hers was taking good care of her. All he could do now was hope. He'd never let himself near her again to find out for sure.
What he did know for sure was that she held her ground incredibly fucking well against him. Emmett's shoulder was still burning, just like it had after the fire, but this time with wounds from two separate attacks. His foreleg was scratched up but at least it was scabbing a bit, and as for his face... well. He didn't have any water nearby to check out his reflection but he knew something was fucking wrong there. Something between his cheek and muzzle burned like hell every time his face so much as twitched, and he could hardly breath through his nose. Every time he tried he'd only scream and end up swallowing blood, which would also start trickling out of his nose and onto the growing, crusty puddle under his head where he laid. His body was resting fully on it's side, and he allowed all the sharp rocks and twigs to poke into his weak muscles all they wanted.
He kind of wished she'd just killed him. But also not. Only because he worried that it would've fucked with her head and he didn't want that. Emmett's upward-facing eye popped open for a brief moment, looking up at the sky beyond the dead treetops. Nah, he just wished they'd never met. Or maybe he wished that he never left home. What kind of bullshit life was this? Always wandering and leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. He should've let her tame him into the pack. Maybe they would've been able to make him useful, and maybe he could've been happy. With Nyx.
Emmett didn't know it but he was whimpering now, soft, pathetic cries brushing against the still air. His stomach grumbled loudly at the commotion and he only whined louder, snapping his eyes shut and starting to shake like a dead autumn leaf desperately hanging onto it's tree. This was no way to live... so yeah, he should just die.
Notes: open to any interaction