Post by Alex on Feb 9, 2019 8:33:41 GMT -5
Lost in the abyss, drowned in the deep
No set of lungs could salvage me
Save yourself, save your breath
The tide's too strong, you'll catch your death
[cw: suicidal ideation]
She'd just been in one of those moods again. Hot blood dripped down her foreleg from a deep, stinging cut she'd left herself, wet and cold against the icy winds. She wasn't sitting around moping and crying like a weak bitch anymore, just standing at the cliff edge and staring out into the sea, watching the waves rage and crash against the sharp rocks down below, watching the wind carry flurries of snow. Her thick, spiked mane blew with the air's current and she barely noticed the chill and the way her skin prickled, or the way her toes were achingly numb. All she did was stand totally still, watching the chaos of the sea with a blank stare, thinking.
She never once saw the sea as a cub, never knowing bodies of water could be any vaster than a lake or a river. She wondered what creatures lurked down below, how they survived the furious tide and the frigid water. She wondered if they were bigger than salmon, or the other kinds of fish she knew lived in rivers. Though she barely knew anything about river fish, because she hated the water.
Crazy to think about how she used to love it when she was a cub, before her brother shoved her under and nearly choked her to death, when all she wanted was a drink, just because he felt like it.
But there were a lot of things she used to love that she hated now. Water. Winter. Fire. Being alone. Emmett. Her mother. Her entire goddamn lineage. Some things she couldn't hate completely, even if she desperately wished she could. Pure hatred felt nice and clean. But this... all of this was so muddled up, with fear and anxiety and in some cases still loving on some level.
Feelings were so fucking stupid and she had too many of them. Too many for her to deal with and too many for anybody else to have the patience to put up with. Even Nyx was sick of herself.
And this shit was why she hated being alone. Silence just made her fester in her thoughts.
Silver eyes squinted at the water down below. Her forepaws teetered dangerously close to the edge, mechanically scraping against the sharp rocks just under them, because the pain reminded her she was still there. They cut into her pads and stained themselves crimson. 'Go on, you'd be doing the world a favor.' Ares's voice rung out in her mind. Maybe he was right. Along with everybody else.
Not that she was really thinking about jumping but... it'd be so easy.
And it wasn't like anyone would miss her that bad.
x
dw she's not going to actually kill herself lmao her mind's just moving to a dark place